Gossip Girl Recap: So Wait…No Dair or Chair!?!?

Sometimes I picuture the GG writers room as a group of giddy brace-faced 13 year old girls. And why not, the show certainly seems like it was written by a 13 year old, the endless shifting romances, the unnecessitated cattiness and crazy cousin Charlie.

Side Note: As a lover of TV I feel you can never have enough crazy cousins, but two cousins, both nutty as the day is long, on both CW monday series in the same season is ridiculous.

We last left the upper-east side with Lily turning herself in for sending Ben to jail. And tonight the Rhodes/Van Der Woodsen/Humphreys were gathering to a photo shoot called ‘Modern Royalty’, which frankly I’m surprised everyone wanted to be in cause it sounded so gauche.

Lily’s boho sister Carol (LA Law’s Sheila Kelley) came for the shoot and to support her sister and her daughter Charlie stowed away. Carol had tried to keep Charlie away from the toxic life that caused Serena and Eric to both be institutionalized, her father to fake her mother’s cancer and her mother to send a man to jail so Serena could go back to private school. No offence to the Van Der clan but it’s kinda sound logic.

Caroline Lagerfelt is always welcome as Cece Rhodes, Lily’s total bitch mother, and last night needed her – she was the best thing in a totally terrible episode.

How terrible? Oh let me count the ways!

Blair reeling from her kiss with Lonely Boy had stayed in bed for a week to suss out her feelings. Dan or Chuck, would she be Dair or Chair. She decided she loved Chuck, but after Chuck found out she kissed Dan he enlisted the obnoxious Epperly (seriously why bring her back?) to embaress Dan by inviting him to the shoot. Well this didn’t sit well with Blair who all of the sudden, as if out of the blue decided she didn’t like games anymore.

First off, screw you Gossip Girl. How dare you build a fresh and interesting romance like Blair and Dan only to have it die out as if it were nothing. Were they freeing up Blair to be with Chuck (who lets face it, she’s meant for)? No, god forbid the viewers should have a semblance of any sort of romantic stability on the show. Were they freeing up Dan to be the object of cousing Charlie’s affection? Probably, which is so unfortunate and lame becuase courting Blair made me like Dan for the first time ever. EVER.

Series creator and showrunner Josh Schwartz is getting very close to the same mistakes he was making on The OC. Chuck and Blair could be Ryan and Marissa or Summer and Seth for the amount of breaking up and getting back together they do.

Chace Crawford must have done something really awful to the writers becuase Nate is still doing absolutely nothing. In fact his plots are so scant that it seems he’s gonna spend the rest of the season helping the painfully atrocious Raina Thorpe (guest star Tika Sumpter) find her birth mother. What a yawn, just a terrible waste.

The most ridiculous aspect of the whole episode was Vanessa. In a show with plenty of terrible and useless characters (Rufus, Jenny, Nate) Vanessa is hands down the worst. Her two scenes last night were overhearing that Blair and Dan kissed, and calling Serena to tell her. Really? This is Vanessa now? No one wants less Vanessa than me, but if you’re going to have her at least have her do something in character. Vanessa is supposed to be above all this shit, and I get that she’s trying to hurt Serena and Blair, but the way she did it was so petty and uneventful it was almost irrelevant. The direction Vanessa’s heading isn’t necessarily a bad one – if they want to make her an antagonist I’m behind it, but they should make her really bad. Blair would have never left juicy gossip on a voice mail like that, she would have hatched a scheme, caused a big scene and been awesome.

I liked the tease about Charlie being crazy and it seemed (based on some curious glances from Carol) that Charlie gets especially boy-crazy. It just would have been nice to throw Nate this bone and give him something to do.

At the end a limo pulled up and a dude with a shoe got out of the car. It took me a good 5 minutes and rewinding to remember that it was the bland Prince that Blair met in Paris.

Gossip Girl is getting stale, but then it usually does as the season winds down, but the temporary dullness usually sets the stage for a killer endgame, and (SPOILER ALERT) with Georgina Sparks coming back in May it’s gonna get better for sure.

A bright spot? The promo for next week hints that Blair and Dan may not necessarily be over for good!

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